Complex trauma is continual exposure to painful circumstances over an extended period of time so that the harm and pain start to feel normal. If you’ve just always had a bruise on your arm, you’d never consider that it shouldn’t be there in the first place. It’s just there. Doesn’t everyone have bruises on their arm all the time? Nope. And the fact that it hurts still matters, even if it’s just kind of always there.

When we spend our childhood in a dysfunctional family system (even if you don’t recognize it as one) or in other environments that cause stress and vigilance, it trains your body and brain to focus on survival. This prevents other important developmental skills from getting good development like academic learning, emotional regulation, relational dynamics, self-esteem, or personal values.

Then you grow up. You’re an adult, yay! You can leave it all behind you. Except…not so much. You are still deeply affected by the pain you felt and the ways your circumstances blocked off areas of growth that you need now! I’d guess you feel like you’re “white knuckling” everything, like you can’t figure out how to crack this code and just get on with it. While it’s true that you’re responsible for yourself now, it doesn’t mean you’re doomed to carry the crap someone else gave you. There are real reasons that things feel extra hard to you and it’s not because you’re incapable or broken. You just need a clean-out of your nervous system and a boost to your skills. You’ll knock it out of the park once you get those pieces lined up.